Graduating

I was thinking if I wanted to blog, or write an entry. Although I very much prefer writing, I do prefer the flexibility and ease of editing and retyping content. So, I’m here. Typing.

I HAVE GRADUATED.

I don’t mean to be a party pooper. But honestly, I don’t feel super excited or elated about it (graduation), although the atmosphere on my day of graduation (8 July) did make me feel a sense of happiness and relief. I don’t understand why everyone is saying how awesome it is to have survived 4 years of university education. Every graduation album – almost – talks about how one has made it through the 4 years. Or, some, the 16 years of education. Well, the latter sounds more like a feat honestly. But even so, I don’t see why 16 years of education should be an end to education. What about people going for a Masters or PhD? Aren’t they a part of education?

I don’t see anything amazing for going through 16 years of education. I mean, I liked studying. I feel that it’d be so much better than working. And if I could, I’d like to remain a student forever. I’d like to live in the confines of what we call “school”. I don’t want to grow up. As childish and dependent this idea might sound, it’s true. I hate growing up. I don’t wanna face the harsh realities of the world; meeting new people, having a 9-6 job. I want to live in my little bubble. Well, the only thing positive out of growing up is, I guess, I can learn to be financially independent and spend my own money instead of feeling that lingering sense of guilt and uselessness when I get pocket money or ask for more money. I hate asking for money, especially if they’re large amounts.

So my future now.

It’s bleak.

I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know where I’m going. Get a job you say? What job? I majored in Psychology, with the idea that I wanted to be a clinical psychologist. But now I don’t. So what’s left? Research? I think I can do research, but it’s really not something I want to do for the rest of my life.

I want to bake. I want to open a bakery. But then I look at the amazing talents of other bakers on instagram, facebook, and other social media platforms, and I’m like, how can I ever be as good as them :( But I’m still working on it, I’m trying my best. I’m gonna attend baking classes and let’s just see how they go.

Grad school then? I don’t know what I wanna specialise in either. I realised how much I like food and health and nutrition. Possibly inspired by my brother haha. I wanted to do a food science module in NUS, but I needed a bio prerequisite. So I didn’t do it. And I can’t do anything food or nutrition related now because my base degree is a totally unrelated, Psychology. If only I continued with some Science. Like chemistry or something…

So, I don’t know what’s the plan for me now. I’m fumbling around. Thinking of options. The things I want to do are not open for me, unless I take another degree or something. Lol. I scoff at myself. I can be such a loser.

Graduation really isn’t something exciting for me. It’s commencing into the unknown. And I hate unknowns.

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