Finding meaning

Now that I’m working, I find that I truly understand the meaning behind the phrase “TGIF”. Fridays mean weekends are coming; and even weekends have a different meaning to them now. I’ve learnt to treasure weekends a whole lot more :D

A friend texted me excitedly that it was Friday, and I replied in a similar tone. But the next message was so sad and pessimistic :( It read something like “it means that Monday would be here again soon”. And the whole conversation got kind of pessimistic from that point on. I was trying my best to stay optimistic though! But it was hard to get through :P

If that friend ever reads this, I just want to say:

Please try to look on the bright side of things. Focus on what you have now, what you’re doing now. Don’t think too much about the future and what if’s. Things should fall into place eventually; this brings to mind a quote I read a long time ago – “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end”. You still have a whole life ahead of you, you still have time to figure out what you want even if you are clueless right now. But if you just give up on everything now, give up on life, give up on yourself, then you may never reach that point. So pick yourself up, find something to do – big or small – and take action. Find joy in the little things you accomplish everyday. Find the silver lining behind every grey cloud. Make that conscious effort to see the good things! You will be able to get through this step-by-step, and I believe it will get easier as the days go by. Cliched, but think about it: if things are really as bad as you think they are now, they will only get better in future. I understand your feeling of finding life meaningless, pointless, aimless, because I was there once. But I got through it and I’m sure you will find your way out someday too. In the meantime, know that you have friends like me who care and will be there if you need us :)

So anyway, for me, I’m currently feeling quite satisfied with my life. Definitely wasn’t always the case, especially that whole period after graduation when I was feeling like a lost sheep. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to further my studies or to work – I wasn’t ready to do any of those! I hated it when people asked me questions about my future. I was dreading the next CNY / extended family gathering because I feared questions pertaining to what I was going to do about my life now (and subsequently get judged for my answers).

But now, I’m in a better place :) I am thankful for the job I found. I am thankful that I’m actually seeing the meaning behind the job I’m doing, and hence finding some meaning in my life too. Looking back, I am pretty satisfied with what I did throughout the time I was officially unemployed – I baked more frequently, I exercised almost daily and made new friends, I participated in running events, I learnt to sew, I travelled a little, I worked on preparing my thesis for publication. It may not seem like much, but at least I found the time to engage in activities I enjoyed instead of just wasting my life away by sleeping / bumming around all day haha. At least I wasn’t bored like I was in the period after my A levels (waiting for uni), when I felt like such a loser and so aimless because I felt bored all day and couldn’t land myself in a temp job for a long time ><

I’m hoping I stay happy and continue to see meaning in what I’m doing for a while! It’s tiring trying to juggle everything I wanna do, but I’m gonna try for as long as I can. On a side note, I’m still feeling the excitement from having a job because I get my own $$$! And I’m so excited to spend them on the things I want without feeling the guilt that I’m using my parents’ money xD

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