1. WORK RANTS
So glad that it’s finally midweek. And Thursday tomorrow, and then a half day at work on Friday.
Work was the usual, until it suddenly turned quite terrible towards the end when my boss was telling me what I have to do. I realised that my job is only 20% research work. Research work as in the kind of research I am used to – research proposals, coming up with methodology, recruiting participants, data analysis etc. The other 80% is this thing called data standards. When I first joined, my boss was telling me how my portfolio would be slightly different from the previous person in my position who was doing mainly data standards. She told me I would prolly do more research because I indicated that I liked it during the interview and I’ve got a decent research background. But now, she tells me data standards is put into our group’s portfolio so I’ll have to do it. Great. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.
So now, I gotta do some presentation to senior management in May, on data standards. I’m supposed to tell them that data standards exist and when they collect data, they should use these standards. Gosh it sounds so lame. What a boring ass topic seriously. Data standards. And it f-ing takes up 80% of my job scope when I wanted to do research work.
There’s so much IT involved in my work too. I’m supposed to be involved in building up an IT portal/system for data to be keyed in and extracted. For data and tables to be easily generated. So I need to know IT lingo. Ok, this I already sort of knew from Day 1 because during the interviews, I was told that I have to interact with IT people and know some IT stuff. But guess what, this system building is one of my main scopes too. I’m doing everything but research. I’m not helping the research part at all currently because the researcher in my division is very well-qualified and experienced, he can do like 99% of the research projects on his own, and all the liasing etc. Pertaining to research, the researcher would only engage my help “when necessary”, and recently he told me he would need my help later to check the accuracy of some data input/information keyed. Of course I said ok. But really, HOW RESEARCH IS THAT? It’s like sai gang; you don’t need a degree holder to do that. SIGH PIE WTF IS THIS JOB. Hate it to the max.
So with a heavy heart and feeling so depressed and upset about everything, I went for cf, even though my knees are somewhat injured. Cos it was all power oly lifts and very little knee work except for the front squats. Told myself that I can just chiong at cf today. But I feel like I didn’t try hard enough. Recently, I keep getting the feeling that I’m not trying hard enough for cf :( Everyone’s getting stronger, and I feel stagnant. After each workout, I keep wondering if I really gave my best. But during the workout, I really feel like dying; but I think ‘is it just all mental’?
I’m scared that the one thing I’m happy about will not make me happy anymore. I’m afraid that the one thing I think I’m decently good at, I will one day think I’m actually quite a loser at it. Then it’ll be back to square one where I feel that I’m just not good at anything in life :(
So anyway, when I went for cf, I found it hard to smile/be happy. It’s not that cf doesn’t make me happy; it still does. But all that negativity in me was just making positivity so hard. I tried to be normal anyway haha. But today I felt like Coach was quite dao to me, which dampened my mood a little more. Yeah I’m taking it personally heh. I’m sensitive, and even more so on a day like today. Plus I have my own opinions and suspicions about things and people sometimes…
But I came to workout. So fck everything and everyone. (Don’t get me wrong though. Still very thankful and happy for the people I could talked to/talked to me today – Jingwei, Leslie, Yzanne)
10-min EMOM 3 power snatch [worked up to last 2 sets 37.7kg]
10-min EMOM 2 power clean & push jerk [worked up to last ? sets at 45.2kg]
4 x 10 front squats [28.6kg]
Went super light for the front squats cos of my knees; even at that weight, could already feel the strain if I went thighs below parallel. (Decided to do the squats in the end cos they were done after the WOD when no one was really watching.. so I could go lighter and afford to be a little slower as long as I didn’t affect the next class – which I didn’t. No one knew about my knee except Jingwei cos she came to share the bar with me haha)
3 rounds –
1:00 HSPUs / HS hold
4:00 AMRAP 7 C&Js [40.2kg] and 14 bar-over burpees
Super shag. The C&Js were supposed to be 70% of the EMOM weight based on outlaw site. But Coach made us do it at the same weight. I dropped weight before she told us to stay… so I just used my lighter weight of 40kg >< I still felt like dying doing the workout. I was doing strict HSPUs. But I think prolly only 5 per round on average, then I just held the handstand position. For the AMRAP, I did 1 round of the C&Js and burpees plus 4, 3, 2 C&Js for the 3 rounds respectively.