I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I always end up in the wrong place in life. Once again I feel like my job’s not suited for me. Since grad, I’ve just not felt like I fit anywhere :( Perhaps I’m too idealistic, or too picky, or simply just not trying hard enough.
1.5 years in my first job, 6 months (or slightly less) in a PhD course before dropping out, and now 7 months into my ‘new’ job… I already feel like giving up.
At 26, I have not figured out my path in life; or found my place in this world. It seems like everyone can well survive without me.
In my current job, I was told that I’d be working with data. Even if not quantitative, qualitative. I had no experience in the latter (still don’t), but I said I’d try. I thought I’d have a role similar to my first job, but just more qualitative in nature; still dealing with large amounts of data, cleaning data, analysing data. Plus, my job title had the words “Analytics” and “Programming” in it. Sounds so”data-ish” right?!
But how wrong I was.
I ended up in a communications department. Due to historical reasons, the (newly formed) team I’m currently in was placed under this dept. Which is really quite ridiculous considering that we are supposedly doing behavioural insights (BI) work – something I learnt only after I landed the job. Somehow this point wasn’t brought up in the interview.
I was fine for say, the first 3 months? Because everything felt quite similar to schooling days in terms of the lit review we had to do to gather BI to help improve programming (yes, I finally got what the ‘programming’ referred to; nothing about IT). So I was like “oh cool, it’s diff from what I expected, but at least I get to use my school knowledge and skills more!”; since BI also has some elements of psychology (e.g. understanding people’s behaviour to nudge them toward certain actions).
But soon enough things started to get fluffy. Research was not as controlled as in the school environment. There was no library so the only articles we had access to were the free ones on google scholar. Many of our recommendations to improve programs were based off our own experiences/ from the top of our minds with tenuous links to literature; even though my direct supervisor emphasizes the need for our ideas to be “evidence-based”. So I’m not actually comfortable with the amount of fluff our work entails -.-
Recently, I feel that my supervisor is biased against me too haha. Like many new projects are being passed on to my colleague instead of me (some of which I feel that I can do it, and I’m a more suited candidate given my background?!). I understand that my colleague is generally a well-liked person, but still, as a supervisor can’t you put in some effort to show impartiality? Cos the biased treatment is really getting quite obvious. But I guess he is human after all.
I could rant so much, but given this public platform it might not be safe to say more :P
Anyway I’m finally meeting my supervisor one-on-one this week. He actually requested this to the whole team; that we take turns to meet him. Because appraisal’s coming up so he wanted to check in on our work/progress etc. Just as well, I could use this to clarify some stuff and voice my thoughts haha. Especially more now because there’s prolly gonna be a slight change in direction for our team and after he spoke to us about it, I don’t see where I can contribute; and even if I do, it will not be what I set out to do in this job, which was data work. So… we’ll see how it goes.