7 months on the job

I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I always end up in the wrong place in life. Once again I feel like my job’s not suited for me. Since grad, I’ve just not felt like I fit anywhere :( Perhaps I’m too idealistic, or too picky, or simply just not trying hard enough.

1.5 years in my first job, 6 months (or slightly less) in a PhD course before dropping out, and now 7 months into my ‘new’ job… I already feel like giving up.

At 26, I have not figured out my path in life; or found my place in this world. It seems like everyone can well survive without me.

In my current job, I was told that I’d be working with data. Even if not quantitative, qualitative. I had no experience in the latter (still don’t), but I said I’d try. I thought I’d have a role similar to my first job, but just more qualitative in nature; still dealing with large amounts of data, cleaning data, analysing data. Plus, my job title had the words “Analytics” and “Programming” in it. Sounds so”data-ish” right?!

But how wrong I was.

I ended up in a communications department. Due to historical reasons, the (newly formed) team I’m currently in was placed under this dept. Which is really quite ridiculous considering that we are supposedly doing behavioural insights (BI) work – something I learnt only after I landed the job. Somehow this point wasn’t brought up in the interview.

I was fine for say, the first 3 months? Because everything felt quite similar to schooling days in terms of the lit review we had to do to gather BI to help improve programming (yes, I finally got what the ‘programming’ referred to; nothing about IT). So I was like “oh cool, it’s diff from what I expected, but at least I get to use my school knowledge and skills more!”; since BI also has some elements of psychology (e.g. understanding people’s behaviour to nudge them toward certain actions).

But soon enough things started to get fluffy. Research was not as controlled as in the school environment. There was no library so the only articles we had access to were the free ones on google scholar. Many of our recommendations to improve programs were based off our own experiences/ from the top of our minds with tenuous links to literature; even though my direct supervisor emphasizes the need for our ideas to be “evidence-based”. So I’m not actually comfortable with the amount of fluff our work entails -.-

Recently, I feel that my supervisor is biased against me too haha. Like many new projects are being passed on to my colleague instead of me (some of which I feel that I can do it, and I’m a more suited candidate given my background?!). I understand that my colleague is generally a well-liked person, but still, as a supervisor can’t you put in some effort to show impartiality? Cos the biased treatment is really getting quite obvious. But I guess he is human after all.

I could rant so much, but given this public platform it might not be safe to say more :P

Anyway I’m finally meeting my supervisor one-on-one this week. He actually requested this to the whole team; that we take turns to meet him. Because appraisal’s coming up so he wanted to check in on our work/progress etc. Just as well, I could use this to clarify some stuff and voice my thoughts haha. Especially more now because there’s prolly gonna be a slight change in direction for our team and after he spoke to us about it, I don’t see where I can contribute; and even if I do, it will not be what I set out to do in this job, which was data work. So… we’ll see how it goes.

Goodbye 2016.

I’m probably two days late in doing this 2016 round up thing cos everyone seems to have already posted theirs on the last day of 2016 haha.

2016 felt like an exceptionally long year for me. I guess it’s because a lot has happened in that year. For one, it is the year I left my first job after graduation, entered and withdrew from a PhD program, and got a new job. It really feels like so much change in just one year.

(photo heavy post ahead!)

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11 more months in 2016

It’s the end of Jan. Time flies; felt like just not too long ago we were all happy new year, looking back on 2015, and setting new year resolutions.

I have shared with one or two people, right from the beginning of this year (i.e. 1 Jan), that I was not looking forward to this new year at all. I think it’s safe to say that it is the first time in my life that I did not look forward to a new year :(

New years have always been exciting for me. I love the idea of new beginnings and starting over. I love the idea of having new opportunities and chances to change or do something new. Every new year just felt so… refreshing.

But this year, I really did not want 2016 to arrive. I foresee it to be a year of uncertainties; and I hate uncertainties. I thought it won’t be a good year at all, and how my Jan went has supported that statement – Jan has not been really great at all for me.

So much has happened in this first month. There have been family/relationship drama towards the end of Jan. And before that, my best workout partner left for France in the beginning of the month, so one less friend to hang out with for half of 2016 :( Work’s been busy, and I was stressing out over postgrad app.

Why I feel like the rest of 2016 will not be great at all

(WARNING: long, rambly, and incoherent post ahead)

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